Sex has been a big part of my life – an identity marker, if you will.
I grew up in a Christian household with the simple yet popular instruction of DON’T – don’t do it, don’t talk about it, don’t even think about it. But, for various reasons, the just-say-no mantra couldn’t drown out the hum of sexual energy that started buzzing in my teenage years. Through high school and college, I became a curious participant, then technical virgin, and finally slut.
In my mid-twenties, however, I realized how steeped I was in the negative consequences of handling this ever-so-serious business as flippantly as I would choose an ice cream flavor. I’d ponder for a while how far I’d go with a guy, but I never walked out of the store without getting a scoop of What-were-you-thinking!
I was trying to pull myself out of sexual sin – mostly on my own strength – when God planted my husband in my path. Thank Heaven! I still struggled with sexual perspective, but I was now defined as a sexy wife with a focused, healthy desire for her husband.
God didn’t leave my lesson learning there, though. Like many marriages, my rosy romance became choked in a thicket of thorns. At one point, hubby and I had such marital conflict that I wanted to jump into a convertible and drive off with Thelma and Louise. Or plot an untimely end to the man who seemed to endlessly frustrate me and had his life insurance paid up. I guarantee his description of me at that time would have rivaled epithets given to Queen Jezebel.
BUT Sex saved my marriage. Okay, I know that sounds extreme, but I believe it. You see, we had a great sex life. And being physically intimate – though not as often while Civil War raged – softened the rough edges of our relationship. This guy could infuriate me like no other, but he could also pleasure me like no other – which made me think that somewhere deep inside, he wasn’t entirely selfish and still loved me. Our physically intimate times kept affection and selflessness alive until we pulled together other troubled areas of our marriage. Sometimes I think that, but for our sex life, we would have divorced.
God has had His hand on my sex life. I know where I’d be without Him. While some people’s faith testimonies are easily proclaimed in public, my biggest witness is not. How do I admit in the middle of a Bible class that my Amazing Grace moment should be sung “that saved a wench like me”?
I’m pricked to the core when I talk with women who struggle in the area of sex. The biggest issue with married women, it seems, is they don’t wanna – or at least not as often as their honeys wanna. Plenty of daily issues plague our marital bedrooms as well – everything from scheduling around children’s activities to the genders’ differing approaches to physical intimacy to the southward sag of our bodies as we age. Not to mention heftier challenges like our personal histories.
So what’s the purpose of this blog? People are supposed to blog about their passion. Well, I’m passionate about passion. More specifically, I’m passionate about how godly women approach sex in marriage. Are we enjoying the passion that God has blessed us with?
Through the abundant grace of God, the most agony-ridden area of my life has turned into the cherry on top of the sundae. I can say with honesty (and shock) that I have enjoyed a monogamous marital relationship for many years. No longer do I order up whatever’s on the menu and regret it later; I’m on God’s diet for sexuality. And may I tell you, it’s the most delectable dessert I’ve had.
But it isn’t without some work. And prayer. And laughter. I believe God wants our sex lives to be:
Hot – Pleasurable, passionate, intimate. The Song of Songs reveals that God designed us to desire and please our marriage partner in physical ways.
Holy – Honoring our Lord in every way and nurturing the sacred bond of marriage. God provided sexuality to foster the unity of a husband and a wife (even beyond that whole “multiply and fill the earth” thing).
Humorous – Making us smile. Now if you don’t think sex is sometimes funny, picture the Queen of England doing it. (How do you think Prince Charles got here?) Actually, there is plenty of hilarity involved in getting into lockstep with our spouses in the sexual arena.
And that’s what my blog is about – the Hot, Holy & Humorous experience of godly sexuality in a Christian marriage. I won’t be disclosing my specific identity because I want to be able to write as freely and frankly as possible – without my children having to wearing disguises in public. I hope that’s okay with you, and I pray that you can relate, learn something, and laugh a little as you read.