Men are proud of their penises. But it’s like a couple of guys looking at a new set of golf clubs; they admire the clubs, talk about the structure and materials used, and imagine everything they can accomplish once they get on the green with these babies. For women, a penis is more like a vacuum. I don’t choose the tool based on its looks or structure, but rather what it can do for me. Looks, schmooks, what can you actually do with that thing?
This also explains why men give their penises names like Mr. Happy, the Studmaster, Big Mac, etc., whereas I had a friend who said that her grandmother called it “the one-eyed snake.” Sounds right to me. Not particularly attractive, possibly dangerous, and definitely unpredictable.
For a better idea of how to talk about your hunk of a husband, try Song of Songs 5:10-16, which begins with “My lover is dark and dazzling, better than ten thousand others!”