Whether you’re an aspiring Olympic athlete or a nascent little leaguer, the only effective way to improve your game is through good coaching and practice. It’s true with anything in the physical realm. If I step away from this keyboard, drop down, and attempt 100 push-ups, I will likely collapse somewhere between push-up number 29 and a massive heart attack. But if I head to the gym where a personal trainer shows me how to exercise properly and encourages me to add a little more to my repertoire each day, within a few months I could face the likes of Jillian Michaels without a single tear.
So what makes us think it’s any different in the bedroom?
Every now and then, I come upon a woman in her 30’s or 40’s who has never experienced an orgasm. Of course, there is the possibility of physiological or psychological problems prohibiting such ecstasy, but I have to wonder if her hubby couldn’t use a good coaching session. Maybe he’s not doing it right, you know?
Back in college, I knew a young woman more experienced in the ways of the flesh than I. One day, she explained how to perform earth-shaking fellatio without mentally craving a Heimlich maneuver. (Those of you who are squeamish after my use of the word “fellatio” may wish to skip over the next sentence.) And she pulled out a banana to demonstrate.
The truth is, as much as that memory makes me shudder with embarrassment, her advice helped a lot. Where else I would have gotten that tip? Where do people learn these things? There are websites, books, and videos, but most tend toward the pornographic. Moreover, it would be my luck to get in the check-out line at the local Barnes & Noble with The Joy of Sex in my hand and have a church leader fall in behind me with the latest Max Lucado tome in his hand. I would definitely be praying then – that he wouldn’t peek over my shoulder.
Maybe that’s why people listened to sex therapist Dr. Ruth Westheimer. She appeared to be a good-natured grandmother while talking authoritatively, calmly, and naturally about sexual things. But who are the Dr. Ruths of our Christian community? If someone wiser doesn’t coach you, how will improve your game?
Since my college friend’s fruit-centered lesson, I have from time to time had a tip whispered to me in the privacy of a close friendship conversation. I’ve given a few tips as well. They are helpful. And I’m thankful for the wise advice of friends helping me to fan the flames of marital intimacy.
I may not be a Major Leaguer in the marital bedroom, but I hit it out of the park sometimes. And some of that is due to quality coaching. If you need a little adjustment in your swing, so to speak, look around for a wise confidante who will speak both frankly and privately. Those women are out there.
And if your husband needs tips, well, that’s another story. If he’s open to reading the manual for assembling an entertainment center for his new 60-inch flat screen, maybe he would take to a book of bedroom how-to’s from the experts. But be careful who’s in the check-out line at the bookstore. Better yet, order the book online.
P.S. I’m currently tackling a tower of Christian marriage and sexuality books. I have read some good books in the past as well. I’ll post some recommended titles soon!